Time Management: The Myth, The Tragedy, The Roast of My Own Life Decisions

Now, before you grab your pitchforks and storm my digital castle, hear me out. As someone with self-diagnosed ADHD and a brain firing faster than international missile exchanges, time management has either failed me, or I have failed it. Honestly, it's up for debate.

My first tragic attempt at this mystical concept was when I was 11 years old—full of ambition, armed with a crisp plan: 30 minutes of spelling test prep, followed by four solid hours of watching Barbie movies. Now, I know what you’re thinking: I am the reason time management doesn’t work. And you’re right.

But let’s talk about growing up. One day, you’re watching Barbie live her dream life in Malibu, and the next, you’re watching a BMW ride your bumper on a Monday morning while you navigate adulthood—whether it’s Varsity, work, or an existential crisis (sometimes all three at once). The predictability of life? Non-existent. One minute, you’re cruising. The next, you’re parked at a roadblock for an hour, sweating bullets because some overzealous citizen—the type who returns R1 extra change to a cashier—has now decided you're a criminal mastermind (SEVERELY UNLIKELY, but alas).

And here’s the hard truth: No matter how much you plan—even to the last damn nanosecond—life will yeet a curveball your way with the dedication of a Major League Baseball pitcher.

To Plan or Not to Plan? That is the Question

Despite life’s savage unpredictability, we do attempt to plan. Some of us more successfully than others. You know the saying: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Sounds wise, right? Well, reality check: You can plan meticulously and still fail spectacularly.

This predicament—our eternal struggle against chaos—is one that humans have been trying to solve since the dawn of time. Or at least since someone realized that procrastination wasn’t a viable career path. That being said, I have yet to meet anyone who actively strives for failure—unless we’re talking about the electricity department of South Africa. (No shade, just facts.)

AI-Generated Tips to *Actually* Manage Your Time (or at Least Try), because what do I know:

1. The 80/20 Rule (Pareto Principle):

Spend 80% of your energy on the 20% of tasks that actually matter. (Your inbox is not one of them—close that tab.)

2. The Two-Minute Rule:

If a task takes less than two minutes, do it immediately**. This applies to **replying to texts, making your bed, and maybe finally unsubscribing from those emails you haven’t read since 2016.

3. Time Blocking:

Set specific time slots for different activities (work, socializing, existential dread—separate them accordingly).

4. Parkinson’s Law:

Work expands to fill the time you give it. So, shorten your deadlines and trick your brain into efficiency.

5. Chaos Buffering:

Always allow extra time for unexpected disasters (traffic, WiFi betrayal, rogue toddlers in public spaces).

6. The “Eat The Frog” Method:

Do the hardest task first. If it’s painful, get it out of the way before life distracts you with nonsense.

7. Batching Tasks:

Group similar tasks together (e.g., answering emails all at once instead of sporadically throughout the day like a caffeinated squirrel).

At the end of the day, will these tips work? Maybe. Will life still throw unpredictable disasters your way? Absolutely. But at least now, you’re armed with a slightly better chance of surviving Monday mornings.

So go forth, plan with cautious optimism, and remember: Time management isn’t about controlling life—it’s about tricking it into thinking you’ve got it under control.

P.S. Yes, this blog exists because I had four glorious hours to spare—courtesy of my elite, highly questionable time management skills (or, let’s be honest, the absolute absence of them). Basically, I’m a scheduling genius in the same way a fish is a triathlon champion.